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Woodhurst Football Club
Woodhust enjoy Treble glory
Eight Goalies, Three Trophies and a Screwdriver
The 2001-2002 Woodhurst Season
Manchester United done it in 1999, Liverpool done it in 2001 (and 1984) and Celtic or Rangers do it most years…The Treble is the pinnacle for any team able to achieve it. Many teams have never won a Trophy, let alone say won three but Woodhurst FC is not one of those clubs and they join the elite band who have pulled it off - and all in the same season.
What will go down in history as the best ever season for Woodhurst FC was so close to becoming even better. A one-nil defeat against Beaumont in the second round of the Essex cup back in November was forgotten about - until Beaumont went on to win it!
But who'd have thought it when the season began for the lads at the start of August.
A few pre-season training sessions over Hainault Forest was the opportunity for about 8 of the boys to run around the field and get fit whilst recalling memories of last year's Aalborg tour. When Parmiters was eventually available for the first Sunday in September, three friendlies were arranged. A crushing 5-1 defeat to New Forest United certainly flattered the away side, but a 2-1 win the following week over league rivals Kamara provided us with the first dismissal of the season, Ryan having a tear-up with a pikey, but the football season was well and truly underway.
After two home wins, our first away game was against one of the promoted sides, Drum and Monkey, who as it turned out were an even bigger bunch of pikeys than Lita and Kamara put together. After arriving at the locked changing rooms of Little Ilford park, one of the rotten looking gits had summoned a young child - possibly some illegitimate spawn of one of the scruffy scumbags - to go and fetch the 'saw'. Moments later the little toe rag, who'll no doubt get used to either breaking through locked doors or being behind them, return with a huge petrol powered grinder-type instrument that broke through the lock in seconds. The game that followed finished six-nil to us, but was later to be expunged from the records following the suspension and subsequent expulsion of Drum and Monkey Football Club - who in the return match told us about the remaining contents of their tool box.
By the 14th October, League new-boys Lorient came to Parmiters. Having won our three league games to date, scoring 14 with only one making it across our line, confidence was high, but by 1pm that day, a lacklustre performance resulted in the first defeat of the season, 2-0. But we were later to exact revenge…
The following week, another home game, this time the vermin of Kamara who, after pitching up their caravans, allowed us to ease three goals in front in a superb first forty minutes, but by half-time somehow it was 3-2. In the end a 5-4 win was well deserved even though we tried hard enough to give the game away.
We then went through a spell of six games doing almost everything we could to lose, but fortunately some of the other sides were not interested in our gifts. Lion Athletic and Redclife both let leads slip and we went on to trounce them 6-1 and 9-2 respectively. Defeat to Drofmor and Beaumont sandwiched our other infamous fixture against Drum and Monkey which saw the game finish 2-2 and the sides 10-10, as a exceedingly tough D&M midfielder went for an early bath - no I'll re-phrase that - was sent from the field of play, for revealing how he's going to, "Stab you in the neck with a screwdriver" following his appeal to Roy to "Stop winding me up, will you". The OAP ref decided he was giving the game up, so to get the fixture finished we volunteered Jano off to join Russell. No one ever saw the Drum man again…
That was the last time we dropped a league point until February - even though in the end it didn't count - as a seven-game winning streak followed including a blistering performance on a muddy pitch with a fat referee that saw eleven goals for Woodhurst and bugger all for Emerhorns.
But the defeat by Essex Minors that looked to piss on our fireworks as the season neared it's conclusion only held off the inevitable as a 3-2 victory in the meadow of Kamara all but sealed the Championship and annoyed the hell out of our hosts, the perennial runners-up. We were then able to sit back and concentrate on pay-back time as our remaining four fixtures, all against the sides that beat us, were all that stood between us and Woodhurst immortality.
An easy 5-1 win over Lorient clinched the league trophy and was followed by a 4-1 semi final victory against Essex Minors, who really fancied their chances after catching us on a very bad day. And it was onwards to the two cup finals. First up Lorient again who were to try and force our hand, but they were trumped 3-1 by a side who had far too many aces, and the Godbold cup belonged to Woodhurst. The last match was the Williams Trophy final and Drofmor the underdogs fought as hard as they could, but didn't have enough bite to cause an upset and the Cup was to join the rest of the season's pickings in Wanstead and give the Nightingale's cleaning lady a bit of over-time.
So a magnificent season on the pitch for Woodhurst, but it didn't come easy, proving that if you want to succeed these days you need a very big squad. Twenty six different players were used throughout the campaign, four of them being just one-off performers, but eleven having played more than fifteen games each. Another astonishing figure was the number of goalkeepers used. In a club that had four 'keepers signed on, eight different players played in goal in the twenty-two competitive games played.
But will the success of Woodhurst continue in Vicenza as the club look to extend their European record to a unprecedented two successive wins? Who knows what will happen, one thing's for sure, the town of Vicenza will have twenty-two pissed Englishmen strolling around singing, "Your just too good to be true…"
Woodhurst Honours List 2001-2002
Winners Independent Sunday League
Winners Godbold Cup
Winners Williams Trophy
Player of the Year - To be awarded on tour
Players' Player of the Year - Jan Souleyman
Clubmen of the Year - Terry Parris and Dave Evans
Goal of the Season - Steve Hughes, versus Lorient -19th May
Top Goalscorers - Jamie Bradbury (25), Jan Souleyman (15), Simon Probert (10)
Most Appearances - Roy Lawley (21), Steve Hughes (20), Simon Probert (20)
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